The first 24

I have made the decision to quit drinking. For the last two years, I have drank almost every day, very heavily. For the five or six years before that, I couldn’t go longer than 6 days without a drink. I have never drank in front of my son, and I thought that fact made me a responsible drinker, and more importantly not a alcoholic. I was dead wrong.

Yesterday morning, I was driving my boyfriend to work, an hour late. I was speeding. We had not been drinking for 7 hours. I got pulled over for speeding, and the cop could still smell the alochol on both of us, after 7 hours not drinking. I got taken out of the car and field sobriety tested. (hold one leg up, follow the pen with your eyes, fingers to the nose, walk a straight line) Thinking I had done well, the officer told me to wait and someone was bringing a breathalyzer. Oh. Fuck. I blew a 0.05 (legal limit in NY is 0.08). The  ONLY reason I was not arrested and charged with AI is that by the time he had gotten me back to the station, I probably only would have blown a 0.02, and that is not enough to charge me with anything. He told me to go home, drink a cup of coffee and just sit down for a while. After 7 hours of not drinking, I was still legally drunk. Biggest wake up call of my life.

 

I took my boyfriend to work, went back to his apartment and drank. Then I slept and cried for 6 hours. He called me an hour before I was supposed to go get him and told me he was quitting drinking, and would I help him. I had already started to make the decision, but that pushed me over the edge. We got home, threw out all the empties we had, plus the rest of the whiskey from the night before.

 

I have not had a drink in 24 hours, and so far all I have to show for it is tremors and nausea. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.

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The Human Condition (a rant)

Thanksgiving has just passed, and Christmas is upon us. My son said to me in the car today that if he were president (which, he totally will be) he would make a law saying that every store would have to hang up decorations relevant to the holiday ’cause he was fed up with Christmas decorations before thanksgiving. (I am paraphrasing here, he is only 9) To which I replied “what about the people who don’t celebrate holidays?” To steal a super proud mommy moment (as I am wont to do), he replied “that’s okay, everyone does their own thing that makes them happy”. (can you see me beaming from wherever you are? ‘Cause you should be able to)

My point in that ((other than bragging about how awesome my kid is) is that Christmas is like Valentines day. If you are only going to show good will towards your fellow man for 12 consecutive days, you are an ass.

I am not a humanist by any stretch of the imagination. The Monarch is, but that’s another post for another time. I believe that if you are going to be something, go all the fucking way. Do NOT do it half-assed. Either be romantic and love your partner every day, or just don’t do it. Either be conscious of your fellow humans or don’t. We, as a species, should not need some arbitrary day set aside to do good things or be romantic or spend time with family. If you need the calendar to tell you when you should do something romantic for your partner, or buy a loved one something that catches your eye or call your grandmother, you have bigger problems.

The Monarch likes bugs. I do not. If I find a bug-related thing I know he will like, I am going to get it and give it to him. February be dammed. If I miss you, I am going to call you, November be dammed. If I am thankful to be a part of this human race (which I seldom am) I am going to help a stranger do something, December be dammed.  Do not let the calendar arbitrate your emotions. If you feel it, do it and be it.

(Also, dammed is spelled correctly above,since I was not referring to a beavers raison d’etere)

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Still playing with it

Okay, So this is my second post now. I go to open this site, and I get instantly nauseous, so I may be doing this after getting my dutch courage up a bit for now. Hopefully this will wear off.(I’m not sure why, though. This thing is new enough nobody knows about it so no one is reading it. If i were to apply an logic to my insanity, I would be more relaxed now than when, if, I accrue any followers)

 

In this weeks post, I have finished all my schoolwork in an amazing 11th hour hail mary. Two and a half pages of work (single spaced), 5 responses to discussion board posts and a quiz. All this with time to spare to play a stupidly addicting online RPG. This week, and next week, are going to be focusing on correlation coefficients and reserch study designs. See also: everything I actually understood about statistics, but now that it’s actually being applied to m field, I don’t get a single word.

 

And of course, the pre-requisite mom\\daughter\girlfriend stuff peppered in there too.

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First p0st!!!!111!!!

‘ello ‘ello. This is a test to see if I am technologically sound enough to make this work. You see, my wonderful boyfriend The Monarch challenged me to a blog-off, and I accepted. (Really, what else are you supposed to do when a man dressed as a butterfly slaps you in the face?) So, since it is excruciatingly late, I will post this, and when I wake on the morrow, we’ll see where this goes.

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