I have made the decision to quit drinking. For the last two years, I have drank almost every day, very heavily. For the five or six years before that, I couldn’t go longer than 6 days without a drink. I have never drank in front of my son, and I thought that fact made me a responsible drinker, and more importantly not a alcoholic. I was dead wrong.
Yesterday morning, I was driving my boyfriend to work, an hour late. I was speeding. We had not been drinking for 7 hours. I got pulled over for speeding, and the cop could still smell the alochol on both of us, after 7 hours not drinking. I got taken out of the car and field sobriety tested. (hold one leg up, follow the pen with your eyes, fingers to the nose, walk a straight line) Thinking I had done well, the officer told me to wait and someone was bringing a breathalyzer. Oh. Fuck. I blew a 0.05 (legal limit in NY is 0.08). The ONLY reason I was not arrested and charged with AI is that by the time he had gotten me back to the station, I probably only would have blown a 0.02, and that is not enough to charge me with anything. He told me to go home, drink a cup of coffee and just sit down for a while. After 7 hours of not drinking, I was still legally drunk. Biggest wake up call of my life.
I took my boyfriend to work, went back to his apartment and drank. Then I slept and cried for 6 hours. He called me an hour before I was supposed to go get him and told me he was quitting drinking, and would I help him. I had already started to make the decision, but that pushed me over the edge. We got home, threw out all the empties we had, plus the rest of the whiskey from the night before.
I have not had a drink in 24 hours, and so far all I have to show for it is tremors and nausea. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.